Parenting is not simple but complicated, not light but tough the most toughest but the most loved thing ever. It is stressful but it completes us. A single warm hug or a kiss from kids pays for everything in our messy life..

Kids are notorious for their mischief and they push our boundaries to the horizons. They do get on our nerves but as a parent it’s our job to stay cool and calm at any cost. But in reality we can’t keep our calm because of varied reasons. May be you are afraid of his safety or the fear that she is going to mess up the house. From your point of you that is quite right, especially if you are a working parent with no help. We as parents do understand that if we can hurt our child more than anyone else even with one look and can even hamper his confidence. But we do shout at her because of our helplessness or our own fatigue. In some cases it can be the fact that our kids are the only beings on whom we can pour out our emotions. But we all should understand one thing that all said and done they are our treasures, the aim of our lives. We are not going to attain anything out of being harsh and insulting to them other than distancing them from us. May be we do not know, just one word from her mother or even a cold expression from his father can demotivate the child to the extent that he or she will feel all the more insecure and depressed. Please understand the fact that you are the one who can make or mar your child’s day or even his life. Every child is precious; every child has his or her positives. Do not ask him to learn something from others or appreciate someone else good qualities. First reinforce in his or her mind a positive thought and confidence about his own qualities. It is always good to appreciate others but our words should not make our child jealous of anyone else or our child should not feel that he or she is not good as someone else.

Watch your child carefully, try to find and believe me it is easy, his qualities which others lack, try to appreciate him for that. When he does a mistake give him an alternative, just suggest him that it would be better if you can do it in a different way rather than pouring your irritation on your child.

Do not always force your decisions on the child. That way you are not guiding him but you are just hampering his decision making ability. Let him decide what he want to do while he is free, let her decide how she wants to mix up things and make a new menu. Let them decide small things, encourage them and never ever tell them do this because i want you to do it especially when they are in a leisurely mood. Of course as parents we will be concerned about their well being but our concern should not become a strain for our child.

Guide them, but without them feeling the pressure and strain. Let them be themselves don’t force them to be a different person.

We unintentionally say or do things which we wish we wouldn’t have said, later can harm our little bundle of joy.

Each child should be considered individually, not comparatively.

Just understand that a child or a teenager when he or she tries to argue with you is not trying to question you but is just trying to convince himself or herself of the fact that what you said is right. Never ask them to stop arguing and do as i say. You are then unintentionally giving out the message “I count, you don’t.” That can only help your child to become a weak personality who will be afraid to question the things in front of him which will again lead to accept whatever comes rather than fighting for his needs and rights.

If we can avoid to say and do awful things ( your intensity of awfulness may not be same as your child’s) and try to see things from their point of view we can surely  raise some beautiful souls.

Anuradha Nayar
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