This blog is very different if compared to my usual ones. a well wisher of mine read all my blogs and had a very honest comment on my blogs, that I had a common thread. He himself post a lot of blogs, he told me that he writes blogs to express himself. which is what i have been trying to do all along. But if i think about it now, I have never truly expressed myself. All I have been trying to do is to impress people with my blogs on how relatable my blogs can be. I was very honest about this to him, he was also very honest with the fact that my blogs were not relatable. One of his statement struck me like lightening, that if you truly want to be relatable, you need to be raw and brutally honest about expressing yourself, and that includes making yourself the laughing piece, being able to blog openly about your insecurities. This is the only way that people can relate with you. Which is true, everyone has their weaknesses and strengths, their insecurities and inhibitions, when people start to be open about these things, that is when you become raw and relatable. for me, I always thought my experiences in life are not enough to write a blog, but at the end blog is not about experience, it is about expression, completely on my opinion. does not always have to be like that for everyone. I started to blog because I wanted to express myself, that was my true aim, my true need, but if I am not doing that through my blogs, why am I blogging? and for me expressing does not come very easily, I am very expressive when it comes to my close knit. but to be open about my feelings outside my safe circle is not something that I can do easily. call it introversion, extroversion, ambiversion, whatever version you want to name it, but I am a person who believes that a persons personality is far more detailed than these three words. I sometimes feel that my personality is very complicated. sometimes i feel toxic, kind , short tempered, silent, loud, excited, demotivated, inconsistent, determined. a mixture of things that does not go well with each other, the amount confusion and frustration that my own personality creates for me is disturbing. i don’t know if it is the same for everyone, but this is how it is for me. the feeling of being stuck in a liminal space, it taunts me. the mask we put on, the diplomacy people want us to show, the silence people expect. i very well know this is not what i want. but i am unsure of what i really want. in simple one word, freedom, but what kind of freedom? it is the independence that i crave, but the route is unclear. i don’t want freedom from anyone, but i want the freedom. its not like anyone is intentionally trying to hurt me, but my brain is playing a wicked game. my family is supportive, my friends are great, and therefore a common statement that is gonna be raised is ” you have all the freedom you need. what more do you want?” the fact that when you say freedom and the first thought that comes to the minds of the people around is the freedom offered by someone is annoying as hell.